Why We Love It: It’s the closest a name gets to an oxymoron. It sounds like something a photographer would bark at an America’s Next Top Model contestant: “Give me ‘yahoo!’ Now, serious.”
It’s awesome, basically. Of all the names on this list, this is the one we’d most like to see etched on an Oscar. That may well not happen though. He’s rubbish.
Sounds Like: A wacky IT consultant.
Why We Love It: We like saying it basically. Go on, try it yourself. Not too loud, mind. Your boss probably isn’t expecting you to bellow the name of a terrible Bond girl across the office.
Still, fun isn’t it?
Sounds Like: A premiership footballer.
Why We Love It: The sturdiest, most patriotic name imaginable, it wouldn’t have been a surprise to find out that the Giant star literally bled red, white and blue.
Or that his skin was made from granite.
Sounds Like: A superhero.
Why We Love It: It’s a name that is infinitely improved when uttered by anyone with a European accent. You can really wrap your tongue around those syllables too.
Sounds Like: A Victorian machine.
Why We Love It: It makes us feel all safe and warm inside, plus “The Goodman” is clearly a top-notch dude.
Sounds Like: Someone you can trust.
Why We Love It: What’s not to love? Any teenager would love to be named after a sport that involves a shotgun.
It’s also what you’d imagine every longhaired surfer who addresses you as “Bro” is called.
Sounds Like: A liability.
Why We Love It: It’s so smooth and sophisticated you just want to drink it all up until it’s coming out of your nose.
A lot of responsibility comes with having such a cool name though. You’d probably have to constantly wear a suit or something.
Sounds Like: A man you can bring home to meet your parents.
Why We Love It: It’s basically a statement.
So much so that there is more composure and reliability to the 1950s actress’s name than most premier league defences. Take that Roberto Mancini.
Sounds Like: A plumber’s diary entry.
Why We Love It: Why did Martin Sheen feel like he needed to run away from his real name? Is he ashamed?
Anyway, Emilio has been single-handedly flying the flag for the Estevez clan and he’s prospered because… well, because alliteration is just tops, isn’t it?
Sounds Like: An outlaw.
Why We Love It: It just oozes charisma. Any person from any time or place in history could prosper under it. We should be grateful that it’s fallen into the right hands.
The fact he’s such a handsome bugger is just annoying though.
Sounds Like: Shakespeare’s BFF.