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Like most of Bethesda’s RPGs, Skyrim (opens in new tab) is a game brimming with possibility and stuffed with content. It’s how those two aspects come together and intersect that make it interesting. Like when a player finds a dog abandoned by its owner (to be fair, the guy was dead) and wants to adopt it, but everything that can go wrong does. It’s sort of like when we followed Dogmeat home (opens in new tab), but fewer mutants and more heartwarming.
Since no one can tell the tale as well as player Patrick Lenton himself, I’ll let him do just that.
worst part of Skyrim was when I found that dog whose owner died in a cabin, and then I of course had to adopt the dog bc i’m not a monsterApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and I fucking love this dog, but i’m wondering around trying to solve quests and save the world and junk, but this good dogApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton this good dog always tries to help out fighting giants and dragons, and it’s like ‘NO DON’T HURT MY DOG’April 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and i have to fight like 300% harder to save my dog from being eaten by a dragon and i’ve honestly never been so anxiousApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton so then I find out that I can build a homestead and my dog can live there, so the next four days of my life are building shitApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton while bandits and dragons still attack my dog while i’m bloody mining ore and building a goddamn solarium for my poochApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and then the dog won’t stay in the house, and I discover I have to adopt a child first, and the child has to like my dogApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton so i go to an orphanage, to discover they are being mistreated by an evil woman, so I kill herApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton but then I can’t adopt a child any more because they are free! So I wander Skyrim looking for a parent-free child somewhereApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and I don’t even like childrenApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and then finally I find some girl begging in Whiterun, and she’s all like ‘thanks Mum!’ (I play a lady cat-wizard)April 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and then I discover that the girl WON’T MOVE INTO MY HOUSE BECAUSE I DIDN’T MAKE A PROPER BED FOR HERApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton SO I DECIDE TO BUILD A NEW HOUSE, ON A FUCKING LAKE BECAUSE I FIGURE IT WILL BE A GOOD PLACE TO RAISE CHILDREN OR WHATEVERApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton BUT FIRST I HAVE TO BECOME A THANE OF FALKREATH AND DO ALL THESE QUESTS TO HELP PEOPLE BEFORE THEY GIVE ME A PLOT OF LANDApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and my dog is STILL following me around STILL nearly dying in every fight, and I’m just a tense, scared motherfuckerApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton anyway, then I meet another goddamn dog on the road, but it’s a fucking demon dog, and it comes with me tooApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and it’s like – months have passed by in the game, the world is being invaded by dragons, and I’m just focused on real estateApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton finally i build my new lakefront house, and go find my daughter (who has been living on the streets for about two months)April 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton it’s like – LITERALLY, beggars can’t be choosers, but bc i didn’t make a nice bed for her, she sleeps on a bench in WhiterunApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and she moves in to my house, which is right next to a cave of wolves and a necromancers summoning circle, but whatevApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and I walk into the house, with my goddamn dog, waiting for her to adopt my dog so I can go save the worldApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and she’s ADOPTED A FUCKING RATApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton THERE IS THIS GORGEOUS, BRAVE DOG WHO JUST WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN IN FRONT OF A HEARTHApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton AND SHE’S FLOUNCING AROUND WITH A GIANT RATApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton in the meantime, I get married to a lady named Mjoll the Lioness, bc she’s hot to trot and will be a good lesbian motherApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and weirdly, her ‘friend’ Aerin, moves into our house tooApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and it’s like – do we have a polyamorous relationship and are raising our homeless daughter and her rat? bc that’s coolApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton so I’m like ‘i’ll go and find a brother for my new daughter’ and he can adopt the dog. Hopefully.April 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and it works out – the boy wants my dog, my dog likes the boy, everything is fine, the dog has been successfully adopted.April 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and finally i can go back to being the saviour of Tamriel.April 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton although I then discover that Mjoll’s “friend” Aerin keeps yelling ‘stupid dog’ at my gorgeous dog.April 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton so I waited until he was outside and I try to make him fuck off back to his OWN HOUSEApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton my theory was that I could shout him into the lake? anyway, I misjudged and shouted him into the necromancer circleApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and he diedApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton and my wife saw me kill him, and attacked me, and I didn’t want to kill her, so i ran awayApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton so I just never went back to my house, but even though I destroyed my marriage and killed a manApril 5, 2016
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@PatrickLenton i know that my dog is safe. THE END. THANK YOUApril 5, 2016
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Anybody feel like loading up Skyrim again for some reason?
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